Shirley's Birthday Extravaganza!

Whoa that title sure is setting the bar high. But you should know better than to get your hopes up by now.

There were a few minor setbacks in getting ready for the celebration tonight, namely the Darkmoon Faire being out of town. Otherwise we would have hired a few clowns for the first act. But instead of cancelling the entertainment, we soldiered on in true Team Vashj form!

Our first offering of the night involves an interpretive dance in honor of Shirley's Day of Death!

(Try to) Enjoy!

[A Video Pops Out of a Giant Cake]

Now that you're sufficiently scarred. Onto the main event!

Yes, gather 'round boys and girls, trolls and goblins, elves and creeps of the night (that includes you Shirley), for tonight you're in for a special treat! In just a moment, master story-teller Bheezem will immerse you in a tale of intrigue and wonder about a girl and her furries and the unshakable bond they share!

Behold: A Tale of Two Furries (and Three's Company).

                “Oh joy, another dreary day with no chocolate”, sighed Sel as she climbed out of her coffin from her night’s slumber. “Those acehole friends of mine probably forgot my death day too”. She reminisced on the day she had died, the doctors telling her that her chocolate levels were too high. “Ah those were the good old days”, she said as she observed the crowds of these so called “heroes” flocking to the orphanage to adopt a pet for children’s week.  “Bah, I don’t need anyone but you Snuggles!” The bunny sniffed in response. They strolled casually down the street together, bunny and corpse, finding a place to squat while they watched all the people pass by with their newly adopted pets. She saw mini elephants, mini bog striders, mini demons from Outlands. They all looked happy as can be going to a new home with their new owners. It was supposed to be a week of charity where heroes from all over Azeroth and Outlands adopted these pets to give them a new home to be happy in, but she knew what it was really about. It was all a front to acquire new battle pets to use against each other in ferocious duels. “I should call D.E.H.T.A on these people!” she thought to herself as she watched a mini pet named “Willy” vaporize a nearby critter with his eyebeam. “In fact, I think I will! C’mon Snuggles!” She hopped to her feet nearly cracking her brittle undead bones with the sudden motion.

               

                “Hello is this D.E.H.T.A?” She spoke into the Goblin device that allowed communication over long distance. Instead she was greeted by some sort of odd recording. “Due to legal matters involving the case of the assumed assassination of Harold Lane, no one is available to answer this device right now. Thank you for calling, and most of all thank you for caring! ANIMALS ARE PEOPLE TOO!” *CLICK*” Sel sighed as the device flat lined, signaling the end of the call. “Useless twats, who am I supposed to be able to trust in times like this, huh, Snuggles?”  She looked around for her bunny. “SNUGGLES?!” She found a nearby hero had run off with Snuggles in his arms moving towards the adoption clerk for children’s week. “THAT’S MY BUNNY ACEHOLE!” She screamed as she launched a crackling jade lightning at the Tauren who was now cuddling Snuggles while the bunny squirmed and viciously attempted to bite the Tauren in an effort to escape.  The Tauren dropped the bunny with a yelp as he was slapped with the monk’s lightning attack and immediately fled fearing further cattle prodding. Sel ran over and grabbed Snuggles as she lectured the plump bunny. “What were you doing over there?! You know you’re not supposed to leave mommy’s side!” The bunny stared despondently at the one pet left in the pen of what used to be hundreds of children’s week pets. Pacing around was an albino rat, looking lonely, nervous, and anxious that it had been left behind. Sel approached slowly and looked at the rat and then called to it. “THAT’S SO SAD, WHY WOULDN'T ANYONE NOT WANT YOU?!” The rat turned and hissed at her with huge teeth and beady red eyes. “IT’S PERFECT!” Sel shrieked, with Snuggles squeaking in agreement.

                She approached the children’s week administrator eagerly pointing at the rat, “I want that one!” she told the Blood Elf. “Are you sure...?” the Elf slowly replied. “OF COURSE I’M SURE LOOK AT HOW CUTE IT IS!” The rat was now trying to gnaw its way through the bars towards a smaller feral black rat in an attempt to eat it. So with much hesitation the Blood Elf cast a sleep spell upon the rat and reached in and handed the rat to Sel in a box. As she walked home she spoke fondly to the rat in the box. “I’ll take care of you, I promise. I’m gonna name you Albi, the racist dra-I mean just Albi!” There was no response from the box. “Probably still asleep.”  Sel muttered to herself as she took the portal back to the Undercity so she could retire to her coffin after an exhaustive, back- breaking, day of forty five minutes spent outside. When she reached her lair, she set the box down, and sat across from it. “You, Snuggles, and me are gonna be bestest bff’s!” As soon as she finished her statement Albi leaped from the box and latched onto her arm, ripping the exposed bone free and scurrying back to her box. “Oh look Snuggles! She’s nesting!” Snuggles  was now cowering behind Sel’s coffin at seeing the ferocity of the rat. Albi viciously chewed on Sel’s arm as Sel tried to tug it back from her. “Maybe you ARE meant for pet battling…” Sel mused over the thought. “I’ve always wanted to get back at that acehole Jeet for naming that ginger yeti after me… That settles it!” She exclaimed. “Starting tomorrow I’m gonna be the best there ever was, with you and Snuggles by my side, we can’t be beat!” She looked at Albi who was now nesting inside her coffin. As she approached trying to crawl back into the coffin, Albi hissed and glared at her with her laser red eyes. Sel hesitantly went to a different coffin, as she didn’t feel like having to retrieve yet another limb from the rat. “Maybe today wasn’t so bad” she thought to herself as she closed her eyes with Snuggles cowering in fear next to her. With her last lucid thoughts she decided the full name of her new pet rat. Albina Georgina Sophia Maria the first… the racist rat. 

And so ends our night of celebration. We hope you enjoyed your time with us. Sorry about the lack of cake but our overzealous birthday girl forgot to wash her hands before digging in... literally. If you notice any ill effects from the punch, that's because it was spiked with Aqua Dots per her request as well. And no, there aren't any party favors- it wasn't in the budget so stop asking.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRLEY!

~team vashj