Life as a Jedi Consular

= NO RESPECT!

Ok, you're right... I'm being mellow-dramatic. C2-N2 respects you. Well, if he had feelings he would. But he doesn't so you'll just have to settle for the 001010011s that FEEL respectful... How sad that the most valuable of my slaves (aka "companions") is a steward droid for my ship. But more on that later...

What prompted my outburst you might ask? Well, I finally got around to finishing my class quest and to put it into too few words: I was wholly underwhelmed. Foolish of me, I know, to hope that after all the hum-drum, annoying, pointless, and illogical to the point of being infuriating quests and seemingly uninspired story arc's I had to complete to get there, that the end would justify the means... that I would dare to hope they had saved the best for last... that maybe, just maybe, there would be some kind of payoff that would have made it all worth it.

This is where Bheez reminds me for the umpteenth time that this is supposed to be "the thinking man's class". [Insert Laugh Track Here]

Just a note: This write up does not reflect my feelings on actual class mechanics or game play (it gets better at 50). I am actually enjoying my Sage in PvP now that I have a bit of gear and Bheez says he's very happy playing his Shadow so there you have it.


[STORY SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT- YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! BUT PLEASE READ ANYWAY SINCE IF YOU ROLLED THIS CLASS YOU'RE PROBABLY SPACEBARRING THROUGH THE STORY ANYWAY.]


(Bet you're regretting clicking that page jump huh?? Wall of text crits you for over 9000!)

This tale of woe starts at the very beginning:

You come to Tython as a wee little infant... oh wait, no you don't. You're a full blown adult. Seriously. Like mid-20's? That would be my best guess based on the anatomical clues and the fact that you're not emo. So what happened there Jedi Council? You um, totally overlooked my shinning star of existence in the galaxy? But you said I was a "force prodigy" and my master said that even though I'm over the hill (and apparently up a creek by Jedi standards) my raw talent is so massive that I was "worth the risk" of taking on at an older age.

Me: Ok, cool. So when do I get my lightsaber??
Your Master: No, no, you need to train by killing flesh ripping, savage beasts that appear to have their internal organs spread across their faces... or maybe those are the organs of their victims... Then play errand boy to a group of homeless Twi'lek with major attitude problems, and recover these super important Jedi holocrons spread around the ruins, oh and while you're out... can you walk my lizard? And I almost forgot, we wouldn't want you doing all that without a means to protect yourself. Here, take this MIGHTY STICK!
Me: Well... ok, if you think it's best. It's not like you're purposely trying to get me killed.... right? /hasdoubts

You've finally uncovered the dark secrets of the Jedi Ruins, restored the ancient holocrons, passed many tests and rituals, slayed the shitty defiant mongolians, fed and took care of the lizard, and spent 12 hours crafting your very own lightsaber. Congratulations, you're no longer a lowly peon! Haha, just kidding.

While you were away saving the Jedi order and just being downright awesome, your master falls ill.

Me: What's that you say? A Jedi disease?? Oh no, some baddie must be behind this. Sure, I'll get right on it Jedi  Council, since it's so urgent and all. Hey why are you guys just sitting around? Shouldn't you pitch in? Since you're all powerful and stuff?
Jedi Council: No.
Me: Oh.. no? Ok, well you know best. /blindtrust. And sure, I'll keep my mouth shut about it so we don't lose credibility. Yeah...

You then spend the next 50 hours of your life collecting and assembling three ancient holocrons that contain the wisdom and knowledge of the universe. Or something. You know what they teach you? How to shield.

Me: Wait, what? I'm a Jedi Sage... shields are what I do! I don't need you to tell me how to play my clas-- OOOH. This is an amazing all powerful shield you say? Well sign me up! /learns
So yeah that was cool. I have to use this on my sick master to make her feel better? Alright, yeah no problem. Niiice. I'm sure to be rewarded for this. /startswalkingaway
Ancient Holocrons: Wait, there is more...and it's pretty bad.
Me: Huh? There's a consequence to using this? Pfft. I'm a force prodigy, I'm sure I can handle it.
Ancient Holocrons: Let us tell you a story about a great Jedi that sacrificed himself to save others by using this powerful technique. What was his name again? Oh it's not important, anyway... /tells story
Me: /listens Oh... so when I use this I die a little each time and I'll die completely (nameless and glory-less- BTW) if I can't find out who is responsible for inflicting this disease in the first place? Right, no pressure.

Now you get to spend about 100 more hours of your life tracking down and saving these infected Jedi masters. Seems like you shield one and before you can even be thanked those incompetent fools sitting on the Jedi  Council ring you up again and tell you there is yet ANOTHER master fallen ill. I lost count but I'm  pretty sure you use your shield like 7 or 8 times. Not cool.

It all comes out in the end that this entire thing could have been avoided had your "beloved" master simply told you the truth. Yeah she dabbled on the dark side, her and a handful of other masters. They were young, reckless, now regretful and ashamed...blah blah blah.

Me: Really?
Your Master: YehRly.
Me: You mean you could have spared me the trouble and just TOLD ME ABOUT THIS GUY? I could have just opened my map, stormed his ship, delivered a beat down and subsequent self-righteous lecture about the dangerous of the dark side and the virtues of the light side (which Jedi Consulars excel at), thereby releasing his evil hold on all you sick, sick people without having to sacrifice my own life force??
Your Master: Well I'd say I'm sorry but you had nothing better to do and I was trying to hold on to my secrets without being exposed for as long as possible... even though there was no consequence for me telling everybody about my shady past, teehee.
Me: Oh you're right, then we wouldn't have a story, my bad. I guess it was a necessary evil.

You'd think at this point I would have earned a little respect, nah, most still refer to you as a Padawan when you've already overcome your trials and then some.

Me: I'm a Jedi not a Padawan, damnit! Don't you see my title?? "Jedi Glynnia" /pointsabovehead

Now you're fresh off the high of saving the Jedi Order from ruin when they have more "urgent" business for you. It is still beyond me at this point why they refuse to get off of those chairs and help out. Honestly, those chairs don't even look comfortable. This is about when I realize I've been sitting on the same uncomfortable back-less stool for about 200 hours IRL and begrudgingly agree to help them out again.

You have been assigned to babysit a group of ...diplomats? Senators? Representatives? ...Whatever, they're politicians of some sort. They have given their little team a fancy name, "The Rift Alliance". Each one, in turn, has errands they need you to complete for them. And to make sure you complete them they are going to squat on your tiny ship until they get what they want.

They are under the impression that you are their personal Jedi slave, and apparently you wear many hats. The types of tasks they send you out to do include (but are not limited to) the following: getting involved in political uprisings, leading your own rebel alliance, saving planets from the Empire's occupation, defeating Sith Lords, nearly blowing yourself to pieces while patching dangerous chemical leaks in an environment with air so volatile you have to have needles stuck in you for immunization and don a hazmat suit...
Oh and let's not forget.. ultimately this whole thing is setting you up to have an extremely powerful and completely emotionally unstable Padawan forced on you. I TRIED to stop it. I chose all the options I could that said "NO THANKS". Silly me, thinking I would have a say in it. I should know better by now.

Me: /mindlessly eats the last doughnut in the conference room
Nadia: /finds out you ate the last doughnut and has an emo melt-down
Me: /witnesses in horror and runs to an escape pod
Nadia: /erupts with force energy, blowing up your ship

Prepare to spend the rest of your in game life walking around on egg shells. Oh and by the by. If you're male this is your romance partner! LOL. The part that creeps me out is that she looks,sounds, and acts like a 14 year old girl. Now this would be okay if you were a 14 year old boy. But really, let's face it, most guys playing are a  tad bit older than that. To Catch a Predator much??

Now that I've gone off on a tangent, let's get back to the babysitting politicians thing. "Why would I even agree to do this?" Is what you might be asking yourself. Well if you don't, these people will refuse to aid you and the Republic, thereby crippling the Republic's war effort against the Empire (which, if lore serves me, is really all the Jedi's fault to begin with).

Me: What a bitch! Ok, ok... I'll help out, but only to redeem the mistakes made by my predecessors because I'm super light-side aligned like that.

Once their requests have been fulfilled you're finally free to do as you please- oh hang on one moment, urgent holocall coming in.

Me: Jedi Council again? FUC--- UGH. Ok, what is it this time guys?
Jedi Council: Bad news.
Me: Oh, let me guess. The Empire is planning an assault on the core worlds? You need me to amass an army, create a diversion, and go in all Navy Seal like to gain the edge? Hey... no problem... It's what I do... /defeated

This is actually where the story starts to pick up. Chapter Three: You're Nearly Done.

To be perfectly honest, I went through the motions in a zombie-like state. I hardly retained any of the details, my brain was too broken. Here is what I remember (it's short, lucky you):

Fly the galaxy, like a baus, land on Jurrasic Park, like a baus, destroy evil, like a baus, awaken and obtain the loyalty of an ancient race of warriors who were once hellbent on the annihilation of every other species in the universe, like a baus, rinse and repeat on Voss, like a baus, profit, like a baus.

And since I'm still standing here today, er, sitting here today, it can be gleaned that I did indeed carry out the Council's plans expertly and was successful (confession: I barely escaped the temptation of rerolling at this point).

No victory can be obtained without sacrifice, however. As it happens, during your mission your token black guy companion was trying to download some Imperial intel (uh, who told him to do this??) while the ship you raided was being blown to pieces. Hey, don't blame me! I was a little busy trying not to get blown the hell up myself. Now you find yourself having to plan a rescue mission on the planet you THINK his escape pod ejected toward. /open new can of worms

Jedi Council: So um, hey, you're still alive. Nice job. Now you need to go root out the children of the Emperor.
Me: Huh? /puts a pause on the rescue mission
Jedi Council: Basically they're the elite Sith warriors of the Emperor. You need to find them, attempt to bring them to the light and get them to rat out the First Son.
Me: ...The First Son? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME BE GREAT? GOD. ...FINE. /huff

So I know this write up is chock-full of spoilers, but I won't spoil the identity of the First Son for you. I mean, I guessed it on my first try so maybe it's not that big of a secret?? Bheez thought it was somebody else... I totally should have placed a bet. That's okay, he owes me a million sodas as it is. You know what, on second thought, I am going to spoil it for you. Might as well since if you're still reading this you deserve a reward.

Highlight inside the brackets to uncover the mystery: [ SYO WHY DID YOU AND YOUR GLORIOUS NINJA-SKULLET BETRAY US?? ]

This is the home stretch for your class story line. It's really sad- as in pathetic. You gather all your companions and like one of them says something halfway decent about you (the lizard doesn't count). Then you're off to fight the First Son. The fight isn't nearly has challenging as I had hoped, even for a healer with little DPS and an under geared companion. I used Nadia, for the irony. One unstable Jedi fighting another, good stuff. There's really only one ability during this encounter you have to watch for and the rest is auto-pilot. You can either save the First Son or kill him (can't say I'd blame you if you.. ya know... force pushed him into a boulder that ended up collapsing on him).

Your dress is tattered (and I take the liberty of assuming you've been wearing a dress because if you haven't you have no right to call yourself a Jedi), your silly hat is a mess, your makeup is -strangely enough- still perfectly in place... hmm, maybe you had it tattooed on at some point?

Once again you emerge victorious! But did anybody wait around to see if you'd make it? Nope. I find myself growing ever more spiteful.

It is in this state you return to the Jedi Council to update them on what you believe to be the last bit of "urgent business" they have for you. And yes, they're still sitting in those chairs. 

Me: Right, sooo, you know that whole issue with the Emperor's kids? I cleaned that up. Can I just... can I just go now? Can I retire from being a Jedi? Is that even possible?
Jedi Council: We just can't kill you off, can we? Well then, go to Corusant and meet with the newly appointed Supreme-whatever. It's another Twi'lek. We know how you like those.
Me: ...You want to honor me in some event? Heh. Well, yeah! Why not?? /spirits are slightly lifted

I took the time to get all dolled up, got a snack, got all my companions affection levels with me maxed out so that if there was a slight possibility of them saying something nice about me at the very end they would have no reason not to, and fired up my Fraps.

I recorded my first play through of the final cinematic you get as a Consular. I then escaped out of that scenario and played it over three times trying all the different options hoping for something better. Am I a glutton for punishment? It would seem so.

I was toying with the idea of uploading it to this blog but why should I show anybody mercy after what I was put through? Screw that you can all play the damn story to see the end and suffer like I did!
Ok, really it was more like my Fraps lagged out so the scene is all jumpy and it sucks to try to follow it if you don't know who all the people are anyway so I decided it wasn't worth the effort.

It wraps up with you being given a place on the Jedi Council, they flatter themselves thinking you would want to be associated with that level of incompetence. Well tough, you can't get out of it, as usual. And you get to direct rewards to all the people that helped you along the way. Your reward? Pfft. You're a selfless Jedi, remember? You don't get shit.... except another urgent summon. This time to Ilum, where you can spend the rest of your days meditating hiding in the back of an ice cave as you watch the endless zerg of bloodthirsty Sith pass by.

The End!
xo Glynnia