/stops Prince music
Ready the popcorn as Kitty proudly presents:
Shirley wasted no time in MS Paint:
And finally, Bheezem puts his mighty quill to the test:
The Companion Mother
Volarx walked down the dark and
poorly lit hallway, cringing at the shadiness of his business. “I am a
respected and reputable businessman…I know I’m making the right decision.” He
murmured to himself as made a left at the end of the hall bringing him face to
face with an ancient looking door. Volarx slowly eased the door open, “here
goes nothing” the tauren sighed as he made his way into the room. The room was
dim and poorly lit, except for the reflecting light that gave the room an eerie
glow. The light was being reflected off of the walls which were…plastered with
gold and other miscellaneous shinies? No…
can it be? A profitable market I haven’t
tapped? Volarx thought to himself as he stood straight upon seeing a hooded
figure walk into the room. The companion mother had come.
“Mother…” the tauren said kneeling
before her. “I require your aid once more, and I am but of course willing to
pay with a healthy incentive…” There were two sacks tied to his waist, one
jingled with the vast amount of gold he carried inside of it, the other seemed
to be moving and kicking. The woman nodded and slowly removed her hood,
revealing none other than… “WELCOME TO CRAAAAAZY GLYNNIA’S PET EMPOWERMENT
EMPORIUM!” Glynnia shouted as she pulled a light switch illuminating the room
in her vast horde of wealth. Volarx blinked, clearly having trouble seeing in
the newly illuminated room. “Yeah…uh this one, yes, I need this pet to become
stronger, so that I may crush the competition in the pet arenas.” He handed the
pet over to Glynnia who observed it. “Ah yes…yes…another vengeful porcupette, I
am very fond of these. I once knew someone who asked what you ask of me now
without letting me keep it. He and I are no longer on such friendly terms.” A
shout rang out from the back of the shop “SCREW YOU GLYNNIA IT WAS MINE FIRST.”
Glynnia responded in kind with a courteous “NO SCREW YOU ASSHOLE” She gave a
slight cough to excuse herself in front of her guest. “Ahhh…yes it will be as
you wish Mr. Volarx be sure to return this time next week and your property
shall be returned.” Volarx nodded and handed over the sack of coins. “As you
say companion mother.”
Glynnia rang a bell and waited for a
moment. When no one came she turned into her shop once more and began to search
for her two companions and her useless “master” whom she had emancipated
herself from years ago. She found a note on Bheezem’s desk, “OUT ARENAING, BBL
IF I DON’T GET MY THROAT CUT, MUCH LOVE AND HAPPY BURFDAY. CHOCOLATE’S IN THE
FRIDGE-Bheez” She huffed. Figures, he’s
here 5 minutes then leaves right when Vol leaves. Sometimes I think THEY’RE the
couple. At least he left me life
sustaining chocolate… “Now if only I could find Kitty and that useless
twat… oh well sometimes I GUESS you have to do your own business without
slaves. Come little porcupine, this week, we make you into a champion.”
Days passed as Glynnia turned the
little porcupine into a “fine specimen” pitting it in vicious battles against
the most fierce pets Azeroth had to offer. And by pitting it in vicious
battles, she meant having the porcupine watch as her cockroaches called giant
meteors from the sky and obliterated into troups of enemy combatants at once.
“You have done well thus far porcupine, granted, I am the companion mother and
my services are renowned far and wide for a reason. And no, its not JUST pet
battling, I also happen to have a thriving and successful business in this
place called Telara called CraAAAA-never mind, long story” She hoisted in the
porcupine up into the air in a pose that some azerothians called, “The Lion
King”. “TODAY, WE TAKE YOU TO THE PET BATTLE TOURNAMENTS!” Glynnia cried out as
she put her tamer hat on and hurried towards the tournament grounds. Once
there, questions she had been wondering for some time were answered. It was
here, that she found her USELESS CREW, PET BATTLING! All three of her
subordinates made eye contact with her at once and were clearly embarrassed. “LOOK
ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE BATCH” Sel said protectively holding her animals
Snuggles and Albi. “THEY DRAGGED ME ALONG JEETIE” cried Kitty as she snuggled
her cinder kitten Ginger. “I WANT TO BE THE VERY BEST GLYNNIA! THE VERY BEST!”
Bheezem cried out egging his vicious vengeful pet porcupine into a frenzy.
Glynnia sighed with a sage nod and bowed her head. “So this…this is how you
repay me…on my birthday…HOW DARE YOU STEAL AWAY POTENTIAL MONEY FROM MY HANDS,
THIS TOURNAMENT VICTORY SHALL BE MINE, AS WELL AS ITS REWARD, THIS PORCUPETTE
WILL DEFEAT YOU ALL AND WITH IT’S MONEY I SHALL THROW MYSELF THE BIGGER
BIRTHDAY BASH EVER!” The porcupette she was holding sniffed, clearly a sign of
agreeance. “You ship jumpers better take your place, the tournaments about to
begin and I wouldn’t want you to be late for your dispension of JUST KARMA!”
The first traitorous cur who Glynnia
was matched against was none other than Bheezem, the wanna be pet gladiator.
“OFF TO DO ARENA HUH, NOT ONLY DO YOU LEAVE ME ALONE ON MY HAPPY BURFDAY, BUT
YOU LIE ABOUT WHERE YOU’RE GOING”. Bheezem’s face turned red. “ITS NOT MY
FAULT, IF I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO GO PET BATTLE YOU WOULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME
IM A BAD TRAINER AND NOT TO BOTHER!” Glynnia laughed and nodded a sage nod. “Indeed
I would have grasshopper, now…it is time to crush the traitors, COME VENGEFUL
PORCUPETTE TIME TO PUT YOUR COUSIN AND THIS IMITATION TRAINER IN HIS
PLACE!” A fierce battle ensued,
porcupettes trading blows while trainers traded insults. In the end however,
challenger trainer Bheezem was no match for the seasoned experience of the
companion mother. As Bheezem slinked away in defeat promising revenge (and a
happy byurfday party later at Crazy Glynnia’s) the next challenger stepped
forward. Kitty, with her kitty… ginger. “I don’t want to fight you kitty! But I
must! GRANPAPPY VOLARX PROMISED ME A LOT OF MONEY IF I MAKE THIS PET INTO A
CHAMPION!” Kitty laughed as she stepped up to the battle podium. “Don’t worry
jeetie, I only wanted to compete to beat out pyrio, he’s always so uptight
about winning it would have done him good to lose. Lets have a good pyet
battle!” Glynnia nodded and this time the battle was much more civil, with
laughs, compliments, and friendly banter. As Kitty’s cinder kitten rolled on her
back mewing submitting defeat, Kitty went over and congratulated Glynnia.
Hey Jeetie, I’ve got a birthday
present for you. Since your last opponent is Sel you may want to hear this
little secret…” Kitty leaned in and whispered into Glynnia’s ears as Glynnia’s
eyes lit up much like the shiny horde she kept at her shop. Finally, her final opponent Sel stepped up to the
battle arena. “OH. HI MARK” The undead said with a snicker. “YOU DIDN’T EVEN
REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY YOU DUMB TWAT” Glynnia yelled at her. “Relax batch, we’re
all going to get pizza when we get out of here, we even got you a funfetti
cake. But for now you’re going to get a dish of humility for your birthday. For
none can defeat ALBI THE RACIST DRA-RAT. DEFINITELY RAT.” As the battle ensued
both trainers worked up a sweat, neither finding a hole in the other’s
defenses, until both pets were past exhaustion. It was then that Glynnia
hollered in triumph. “HAH you have activated my trap card! She threw a handful
of cheerios onto the battle arena and Albi’s eyes opened wide with delight as
she leapt forward opening herself to attack from Glynnia’s trainee porcupette.
“GO PORCUPETTE ATTACK!” as the porcupette rolled forward Sel tried to scream
for Albi to dodge, but it was too late. The pets collided with Albi coming out
with the short stick, and since Albi was unable to battle, the match was over.
The tournament belonged to Glynnia. “THAT’S RIGHT, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!”
Glynnia shouted as she did a heelclick in mid air. As Bheezem and Sel walked up
to Glynnia and congratulated her while grumbling, Kitty rounded everyone up.
“TIME FOR PIZZA AND CAKE!” She exclaimed. “Yeah whatever” Grumbled Sel, “HERE
JEET YOU KNOW I ONLY BATTLE FOR PINK SLIPS I GUESS YOU CAN HAVE THIS FURRBALL
AS A TOKEN OVER YOUR VICTORY” Glynnia’s mood brightened to a pristine shine as
she stuffed the plunder into her inventory.
Back at the shop, the godfather
payed his respects, and dues…to the companion mother as everyone was
celebrating and took his leave. “I’M RICH! Exclaimed Bheezem” Glynnia frowned.
“What makes you think that you greedy little kfed, the only thing you’ll be
getting from this money is an ass whoopin from a sack of shinies if you keep it
up.” “yeah yeah” Bheezem shrugged it off in his non chalant goblin accent.
Glynnia raised the giant goblet of shinies in the air and called for a toast.
“TO MY HORDE OF TREASURES AND US LADIES, FOREVER SHINY AND FOREVER TOGETHER!”
She paused for a moment. “I guess Bheezem is ok too.” And with that the group
dug into the cake, and all was well. For Glynnia’s treasure pile was large, and
that was what mattered.
Happy Birthday Glynnia!!!
<3 Team Vashj
HAPPY BUFDAY LE HO HO HO! >8^{D
ReplyDeleteOh, don't mind the post date being the 14th, it just means your greedy ace gets two days to call your bufday.
DIBS ON FUNFETTI!